A little pick me up for those tough days when it seems like it couldn't get any worse...

Help is on the way!

Aliteration

Bitter bored bloggers blatantly bother buddies because base behavior beckons beseechingly...

So very sorry my valiant readers! I have been in bed sick or rushing about trying not to become more sick because I was not resting enough. The thought that continues to race through my head is, "No rest for the wicked...". I don't know why I have put myself up against a wall like that but rather than have an inside battle with myself I have decided to simply accept that I could be maybe a little teeny bit evil and move on.

Training has come to a standstill due to how sick I have been. I went in and sparred right as I was getting ill and thought I did okay. The guy I fought is like 10 feet tall and he said I did okay so that made me feel pretty decent about the whole flailing about ordeal. While I was feeling pretty horrid, I just couldn't live with myself and went in for about an hour to work out my upper body with weights and then rode the bike until I had jello leg. I also jumped rope because I don't want to fall out of practice. Watching Million Dollar Baby over and over totally helps because it's keeping me motivated. It was totally worth going to the gym, but I don't think it helped me with my whole stay in bed and get better flow. Oh, and to those of you that worry about watching Million Dollar Baby and having your heart melt, it's a safe and different kind of melt that just solidifies that some things should be allowed and we are controlled by outside forces that we will never ever conquer unless we work as a unit and accept the fact that pain and suffering are a part of life but all good things must come to an end. I also get super fucked up messages from watching movies. Hence my lack of TV watching. Speaking of super fucked up messages, I went and saw 300. Highly recommended. I might go to Reading and see it in 3D. If for nothing else, it will satisfy that kicking, biting, screaming child in me.

Bob is a boy. His little cheek feathers are coming in orange and his brown feathers by his wings are also on their way marking him decidedly male. His parents have moved on and laid more eggs and as much as I am against a plethra of babies I am more against snatching babies. It's just something I am having a hard time with. I have asked M to snatch them for me and he has agreed so lets all hope they haven't hatched, shall we? Does the third eye apply here? I absolutely refuse to snatch hatched babies, Oh the trauma! Okay, moving on. I found a single female for my one lone male and I thought that would right the dwelling world until the other day when daddy Bob had sex with Malcolm. Yes, Malcolm is not only a girl but she covets other womens husbands. Aside from the fact that this is clearly the act of a heathen I'm assuming this could mean more fertalized eggs. I might have to remove the nests all together lest I end up with a dwelling full of babies, putting in action the need for a larger dwelling. Which puts us at the point of the story where I discuss my need of finding somewhere to live in a warmer climate where I can simply build a massive outdoor aviary... Oh you so read that correctly, no need to go back... As much as I would love to pretend I am not a crazy pet lady and live the rest of my life giving no second thought to animals and their need to breed like rabbits, it simply isn't a reality. And a huge outdoor aviary??? It's the mother of all projects! I might start by making all the nests uncovered again so removing the eggs is a little less stressful for all of us.

My hair will be removed tomorrow! HORRAY! I haven't taken a before picture. Man, do I suck at this. Ah, whatever, I'm not even so sure I want my picture on here to begin with. :) Take that! And that! I have also upped the gauge of my earrings.

I have jumped from about a 20 to a 14. I guess all the warnings about doing this gradually are true because this is some serious pain! One of my puncture wounds is giving me mad hassle and I am about at my wits end as I cannot continue until this one is in. It's pissing me off as I wanted to have this completed by this evening. This has called for a little home surgery. The bathroom sink holds pins, scissors, large sewing machine needles, alchohol (rubbing you fucking booze hound) and a leatherman. Seriously, this fucking ring is going in so help me goD. Granted the bathroom looks like a torture chamber but it helped get people out of here faster when the real estate guys came by to show the apartment. :) My super bitch sour attitude probably hurried things along as well.

Beginning on Armed Forces Day I will be taking my first basic pistol class along with a general care instruction class. There might be some self defense mixed into the day as well. Then I might be taking a pistol/rifle class another day while finishing up with shotgun. I'm going to be ready for anything. If a rifle class cannot be found in an area that doesn't mean driving for hours, we might simply be staying with more pistol training. Can you ever really have enough pistol training?

I have to figure out so much shit that my trip planning is going very very slowly. I am making a list of things I am going to need to do and need to get. I need a bunch of shit for the dogs. I'm going to ask my vet to get me some anti-venom for the sheer fact that I will be roaming about the desert at some point during this trip. If my dog gets snakebit I would like to have the remedy and save myself a lot of panic and tears. I also still need a trailer that is less than 6 x 12. wtf? Who knew this would be so fucking hard to find...

As I have been a total slacker when it comes to pictures, I have emptied my phone for your viewing pleasure...

The Jiminator willing me to stop calling his name over and over just because I am bored and own a camera phone:


I'm liking this picture very much for some reason. Makes me think of the 'hood:


In the coyote infested woods. At first it was a mud pit and the trails were more like little rivers... dirty but cool in it's own way.



Ah yes, then it snowed in the coyote infested woods. Blech. Whatever, I now own a young poodle. Snow and coyotes is nothing we can't take. We even carved the first paths. See the tracks? That's only us. This basically equals out to no one in their right mind went out in the woods to walk around in this shit...


The clean, bare path up ahead. We are fearless explorers. Thankfully we are fearless explorers that haven't happened across any wild animals. Because we would suddenly be very domestic, very worried homebodies confused as to the rapid change of events.


Here's the cardinal I see every single day. Not only is he beautiful to look at, his song is something to envy. I practice his call to him and I don't know what he is thinking when I do it. It usually ends up with him flying away so I'm going to go ahead and assume my territory is larger and I could get all the bitches if I wanted them. I'm just glad he came this close and held still long enough for me to get his picture. I bet you are too. I don't know the definition to lame.



I like second story gazebos over yard ones any day...


James with his newest and most favorite toy ever. It's a Jolly Ball and we all know Jolly Balls are for savaging and killing.


Charles also enjoys balls. He likes the ones of the smaller variety as they are easier to catch and bring back. He's a natural and can do it all day. Seriously. All day long without getting tired.


I AM THE GAUGE GODDESS!! IT'S IN!

This is the fence Charles squished himself under when his ball rolled under it and threatened to leave our life forever. I was impressed and picture taking ensued...


Ah yes... While walking the dogs at *ahem* I of course took the random degrading pictures:


And then came across this in the middle of the woods

I noticed a sign on the side of it and curiosity might kill cats but I am still going strong

Upon still closer inspection it was suddenly crystal clear why curiosity kills cats and I immediately went to see if it was locked or not... sadly it was. I think we all know that sign is just to disuade us from stealing all the diamonds and rubies that truck holds...


There was also a bush that was totally out of place due to no plant life showing life yet

They're fake, but tricky... Just like everything else in this world...


The tired walk back to the truck after a day well spent


Oh! The last time I was at *cough* there was a man walking his llamas! They were charged by six dogs and watching the man try to protect and shoo the dogs made me appreciate llamas and their nasty biting/kicking habits. They were not even slightly ruffled by the dogs. If I ever have a farm, there will be at the very least, one llama. I like the way it feels to say llama anyway. And the double L? Fine by me.



And that's all. There... we're all caught up for right now. Well, except for the incredibly personal shit, but I am never going to tell you that on here anyway.

Solutions

After posting the google "where are people sick" tracker to mock people who are sick, I became sick. Serves me right. I looked up how many other people have my symptoms in my area. Sadly, I am alone. Well, according to google anyway. According to Charlie I am simply boring him to tears. According to Jimmy I am the best stay in bed mom alive and we have caught up on some seriously needed cuddle time. Google that.

Oooo... also, the ants have not come back. Okay, there were two this afternoon so I was sure to use my third eye and explain the entire situation over again this time making sure to clearly picture an ant free tub. I was doubly sure to picture a wet tub and sad little ants going down the drain. But two beats the hell out of a tub load and I can't help but think this is awesome. The ants are undoubtedly there after all, and I can't help but think this is a good way of keeping them where they belong. Why don't I use this method with my dogs? I might give it a shot. I do try it occasionally with the dogs I groom. It's usually a big fat let down. I also try it as a last ditch effort on a dogs that are fucking impossible. It goes along with deep cleansing breaths and the likes. Speaking of dogs and deep cleansing breaths I really need to work with my guys when regarding the whole pulling issue. Up until now it's been cold and I don't walk my dogs on leashes in the cold. No sir, we either piss in the yard or hike the woods (leash not included). Now that the warm weather is here I am not feeling well. Eww. However, I got the book called My Dog Pulls. What Do I Do? by Turid Rugaas. I like the method used and I am going to be using it for the boys when my health is at it's best. Training when I am under the weather usually ends up with two very unhappy dogs and me screaming things like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? while out in public. Ugly. So, when I feel like this, I save us all and just keep to the open fields that hold no restrictions. However, I am truly looking forward to starting this method once well. I am going to start the initial training in the house that way there is no distractions what so ever and little room for fucking up. I'm so smart.

Tomorrow I believe I will be giving Charlie a summer cut. I'm pumped. It's going to be the same style he's had but shorter. More military if you will. There is the girl part of me that *really* wants to give him an oh so cool 50's pattern and then there's the not so girly part of me that gets all upset when the girly part of me starts thinking this way. The not so girly side wants to keep Charlie looking as manly as we can keep him. I mean geez, he's a french poodle. The way she sees it is the last thing Charlie needs is something else that makes him look like a fag. The girly part tries to remind the not so girly part that we chopped off his balls and manly discussions sort of went out the window at that point. The not so girly part reminds back that his dick is still intact and this is more about *our* dignity as it isn't even Charlie choosing the haircut. Girly side always likes to wonder why not so girly side is so worried about what others will think of our *french poodle's* hair style. She thinks not so girly is to worried about outer appearance. Not so girly always takes offense to that as she's the one that has always had a better handle on not giving a shit about others opinions while girly freaks out sometimes and makes us change over and over until it's just right by her standards. Around and around it goes. Sometimes girly side storms off in tears. Other times she's just convinced that boys should be boys and decides to wait for the day that a girl dog enters into our life. Then she's going to have the time of her life and the word "ribbon" finally won't be considered a swear word. Either way, not so girly side is winning this battle as Charlie has maintained his boyish look even while being a poodle.

I think the real question is if the before and after pictures will be remembered. Oh, also, I am reading For the Love of a Dog by Patricia McConnell and it's excellent. Most of her books are. I am not just saying this because I am her biggest and best fan ever. She really is an awesome author on dogs. So, if you like dogs, own dogs, whatever, pick one, you should read it.

You are not alone...

What with all the people coming down with something, I thought I would share this.

runny nose? cough? fever?

My only focus is to hurt and maim... My only focus is to hurt and maim... My only...

And she's back! Lucky for me, after some hardcore sulking I spring right back into my hyped up talk until they're deaf manic self. Ahhh... that's better.

I have a new focus in class. It's going to take a little bit to find this focus but I am going to stay at it and make it happen. We have all ready covered that I am not the serious type. I'm overly carefree at most times and I have finally come across something that this part of me doesn't help. Fighting. Carefree and lighthearted do not go with fighting. Well, not if you want to do it and be fierce about it anyway.

I got a little peptalk from my brother on Sunday and what he said makes sense. Basically he told me that I should stop worrying about everything I am worrying about and I should only have one focus. That focus should be hurting the person I am up against while embracing and maintaining violence. I have thought about it since the little talk and I truly believe people that are okay with violence and fighting have no (or little) moral obligation. That's what helps them win fights. That's what helps them be comfortable with violence. People with moral obligation hold back a wee bit because they don't truly want to see someone hurt. I am one of those people. My brother says he'll get a chest pad and a cup to wear around the house on Sundays so he can violently attack me and have me fight him off without truly hurting him but still be able to put my all into it! This is very exciting as it means I can truly embrace violence and finally have a feel for it. My brother says he'll only be happy once I am comfortable enough to dig my thumbs far enough into my attackers eyes to rub the back of their fucking skulls. I'm so ready for this...

There was more to this talk. Since I am a female and since attackers are usually strong and violent (stronger and more violent than the woman they are attacking anyway) he thinks another solid bet is a gun. I will be like all those "authority figures" out there helping the general public and keeping them safe!! I'm going to have to practice hanging out at coffee shops and taking naps while working but it's cool, I'm a fast learner.

As a going away gift we are taking gun classes together (that way I'll know how to load, clean, aim, all that good stuff you should know about your gun) and then he said he'll get me my own gun as a going away present. That's pretty much the nicest thing anyone has done for me to show me they care about my well being so just typing this out is making me go all soft and mushy inside. I'm really going to miss him but since he has always wanted to see LA, once I get there he is going to fly out and tool around with me for a bit. So neat.

The training is so so as of right now. I loathe working the bag. Loathe. I feel like I am doing things wrong over and over again. Bugs the shit out of me. I might just refuse to work the bag for a while. I'm also considering going in right after work when the place is empty so they have to work with me. :) Ha ha. Either way I find the bag boring and not much of a teacher. M helped by working with me (on the pads) last night for a while. When we finally went to spar the equipment was all super sweaty and it kind of grossed us out so we decided to simply work out a bit instead. I worked out my upper body and I am thrilled I did as I really feel like it needs some help. I am getting super good at jumping rope... who knew jumping rope was so fucking hard to master? I have watched Million Dollar Baby and I envy the jumping rope scenes. Although I don't see her stretching very much and that is something I need more of as well. I have been using this pilates machine called The Reformer (you can see it
here) and it's helping me stretch out and work out my legs big time. When you put your feet into the straps it feels a little like the OBGYN clinic and that's freaky. While working out on it I can feel my hips crunching and popping. It doesn't hurt but it's a strange feeling, so I want to find out why it is happening and if it's a terrible thing or not. Then I want to make it stop. Google is my friend.

The last AWESOME thing that has happened is that I have found someone to take care of the Bob's and Malcolm while I am away! What a relief!! My aunt P has agreed to take them in and care for them while I am gone. AWESOME! I am going to revamp the cage a bit so caring for them is even easier than now. That was a future plan anyway...

My newest love is oatmeal. Mmmm... I enjoy seeing what things I can personally do to improve this ongoing and gratifying relationship. Sometimes I add apples and honey other times I eat it plain. I enjoy it with milk. The amount of milk depends on my mood. You know what is so good on oatmeal? Okay, you know the "fruit on the bottom" yogurts? If you eat all the yogurt off the top you are left with the fruit mix. Just stir it into your oatmeal. YAY!!

Where's my payment?

I'm in a complete and total sulk. For me, the worst part of being in a sulk is how fucking good I am at it. I throw my back into it like it's my job. You'd think there was some huge bonus in it for me. I'm bad tempered enough without placing said vile temper on a downward spiral. You'd think I would just talk it out like anything else I come across but this is the one time you will find me quiet. It even unnerves me. It's so fucking unnatural. What's with the double n's? So I figured why not spew filth on my blog and then go furrow my brow while sitting in a tight position on the couch. I have a little time before the nine to fiver gets home and maybe I can hate hard enough to tire myself out for a little nap... This is toil after all. Please pray to whatever you think is holy that training can work out some of the kinks in my head. I feel emotionally ill and I'm hoping they can see that and work out my body hard enough to help me be to tired to care. A little pain might help for once. ;) If they make me work the bag, I think I might snap.

I am now going to practice my rootedness and bone joint power. I am going to contact Jwing Ming Yang and see if he'll teach me some of that as he was recommended by someone I appreciate when it comes to fighting knowledge. I just need to figure out how to do that. He sounds awesome. Oh, that was like a little ray of sunshine. Fuck him, he sucks.

Seriously, I'm being serious. For serious!

I typed out a nice decent sized blog last night and when I went to post it POOF it was gone... gone like yesterday... the message told me there was some kind of error and I should try again later. This is me, trying again later, because I didn't save anything. Hopefully I have learned my lesson? We'll see... I did have pictures in it to keep the whole thing stimulating for my oh so prescious readers. I'll try again and save in between paragraphs...

The training is going well. I was pretty down on myself about the whole thing for a minute there but last nights class brought me right back around. I don't think the teachers believe I am really trying as I am not dead serious about the whole thing. Just because I am mocking and laughing doesn't mean I am not trying my heart out. I keep telling them that. I'm a wild spirit that tells the teachers everything I think of that might help them get to know me a little better. Last night this and the fact that I didn't "play nice" got me a super hard work out. Super hard for me anyway... I ended up having to do 150 squats, 100 sit ups and 50 push ups. That was tough man!! I haven't worked out for years! F! I also learned about clinching. This is where you make your hands overlap so they look like a butterfly and hold the back of your opponents head with them like that while trying to maintain the inside hold. This is the best picture I could find to show you what I mean...

I was pretty decent at it! Not only did I throw the instructor (YES!!!) but I also knocked M off his balance as well. It was awesome. I am not allowed to bite and just stopped myself a bunch of times before ripping flesh off of people.

When I asked if biting was okay they told me only on the street, not in class! Fair enough but hard for me. I am also not allowed to head butt. No head butting in class ever no matter what. I guess I am a total savage and I like to think this gives me the edge. Also, my instructor told me that my mouth has won 50% of the fight to begin with. YAY! I'm 50% winning and have only gone six times!!! NICENESS!! He said that were he to attack me as a perp, just having me pull him towards me while yelling about raping his wife and eating his babies, would make him pause and wonder what the hell he had gotten himself into. That's pretty exciting if you ask me. They also promised to show me how to seriously hurt anyone that attempts to hurt me first. This means not only will I be able to get my attacker off I will also be fully capable and ready to inflict life changing injuries upon them just like they deserve. These guys are my heros... Oh yeah! Also, I totally wrapped my hands perfectly for the first time last night. I did it a little to tight, but no big sweat, you know? I am a hand wrapping prodigy!!! Clearly, these are not my hands. Maybe I'll bring my camera tonight and get pictures of them all wrapped up after I do it effortlessly. Yeah right. It took me so long that I worked out on the bike to stay warm! HA!


Total score the other day! While walking to get two dogs that I run at the park I came across a cold, lonely, rubber, tennis ball look alike PLANET DOG BALL!!! EXCELLENT!!! Not only are these balls SUPER durable but they bounce and float!!! YAY! Charlie loves it! He's so great at playing ball now. I run him every day with one until the crazy is out of his eyes. We both love durable balls that bounce and last a good long time. I mean... woah, I just totally re-read that last sentence and that came out all wrong eh? Focus... back on track... we can totally destroy a tennis ball in one throwing session. That's how hard we play.

Every time I go to take a shower the tub is full of ants. Those big huge black carpenter ones.

I cannot kill them using the squish method as I have heard that when you squish an ant to get rid of it, they let out a pheromone that alerts all their friends to the fact that bad shit is going down and they should come and see if they can help. So when you squish an ant to rid yourself of ants, you actually have the opposite affect take place. Interesting. I just turn on the water and rinse them down the drain. Now please don't get me wrong, I am not anti ant. I am not even anti bug. I like bugs. I just don't like them in the shower with me or falling on my head. That really freaks me out every time. Since reading about T-Touch I have been trying to use a different approach when regarding things like this. So, the other night I sat down and tried to communicate to the ants on a higher level. I am so not fucking kidding on this one. Stay with me. I spoke to them with my mind asking them to please not bother us and we won't bother them. Then I tried visualizing humans and ants living harmoniously with my third eye. I pictured them living happily inside the walls and us living happily outside the walls.

I'm not sure if this shit really works but there have been no incidents. Now I am not sure if there are no incidents due to my incredible communicating and visualizing skills or if it's simply because said beings moved on and I just never knew it. Oh yeah, no shit, while I was typing about this a little ant came strolling out from under the couch and marched across the living room floor. WTF is that?? Now under ordinary circumstances I would have seen this as a sign of war, picked him up, gone outside and squashed his dirty little thorax. I thought carefully, picked him up and tossed him out the window... weeeeeee... make your little smelly trail down there!! Don't forget to tell your friends how nice I was to you when you finally find them again... Maybe they were trying to judge my sincerity? I am after all a barbaric bully human. Think about it, we eat chocolate covered ants!! They have every right not to believe a word I say... I wish the birds would eat insects and I might throw the next one in with them to see what they do. That's nature right? And if they do eat it and it does call for back up my birds can have a tasty exoskeleton feast that comes to them! Sweet!

Speaking of the birds, the wee one is doing swell. The spices finches are excellent teachers and so far the little one is preening, shelling seeds and eating them and landing on perches first try. He only misses once in a great while. I'm loving watching this tiny one grow up. Which gets me thinking... I am about two seconds to getting one of those small campers that attaches to your vehicle.

Really. I mean, the ten foot ones sleep four freaking people comfortably! I am only one person here. These things are solar powered for crying out loud! Does it get any better than this?? I can't help but think that I could make another hand crafted bird cage that was built into the wall and out of the way thus making it possible to bring the birds with me!! YAY!! Also, how cool would it be to drag your house around until you find something you like as a permanent home? I'm going to keep looking and if the right one comes along I am going to grab it up.

This is it...

I know I have been rather vague about my trip. It's Saturday night and I have done my socializing and I am back in for the night so what better place than here, what better time than now?

I'm leaving.

No, I'm serious, I'm gone. I don't know how often I wake up wondering why I am still in Boston. Massachusetts. New England. This sucks and yet I wake up here morning after morning sad and wondering why. I don't want to wonder why any more so I don't think I will. Once the lease is up I am going to pack up the dogs, fish, some clothing and other necessities and I'm going to hit the open road. I want to explore for a little while and I'm guessing it will be possible to find somewhere that has things and people I enjoy along the way. I don't really have a solid plan like you are *supposed* to. I am not going to find a place to live because I don't even know where I want to live yet. This is more about exploration of charted territory. Lets face it, I have never truly traveled or been anywhere. Okay, I drove to FL a while back and loved every minute. But I had to come back and that always takes the joy out of being somewhere doesn't it? Pun not intended. Wait, wait, there is a plan. I'm going west. That's a plan right? I have some things I have always wanted to see so I am going to see them while going west.

I have always wanted to see Yellowstone Park, especially for Old Faithful. I want to see the world spit. I want to see it spit on my birthday (June 24).


I want to see the Rocky Mountains.


I would love to see The Grand Canyon.


I want to see The Painted Desert.


I also want to see that giant meteor crater... why the hell not?


These are the obvious places and I am pumped considering how many times I have seen them on a screen and read about them in my National Geographic. But I also want to explore societies. I want to see Las Vegas, Flagstaff, LA, San Fran, Boulder... I want to go and talk and see. I want to see cattle farms and Indian reservations. I would love to ride a horse again and I would love that even more if the boys could join me while I am doing so.

See where it's dark and far away from Boston? :) I want to be in one of those darker places at night and I want to look at the sky.


I want to feel small again. I have felt oversized for to long. Nothing overwhelms me any longer. Not even the ocean. In fact, I am starting to resent the fucking sand. The only things that overwhelm me shouldn't. It's almost like they're filling in for something else you know?

Some of the less obvious places I want to go... I want to find two of my favorite dog behaviorists/trainers. I want to pinpoint their exact location and stalk them until they pinky swear to being my BFF. Unless they see my blog, they'll never know what hit them. If they do read my blog THAT'S AWESOME *and* it will simply present more of a challenge, which I am totally up for. Oh yeah, my two favorite behaviorists/trainers are

Patricia McConnell


and Suzanne Clothier.


Love. Life changing books. Seriously. Their books are my dog bibles. I read them over and over... I'm pretty certain Patricia McConnell is in Wisconsin, so I'll go a little off track but at least it will be warm. Also, I could see the Great Lakes. Yeah... I still have to look them up. It's cool, I have time.

I'm also going to visit my Dad. He's in Nevada so that rules. Pretty pretty. It'll be nice seeing him on his territory where he'll want to stay and chat for a while. :) My brother might join me when I hit somewhere he wants to see and he said he'll totally travel with me for a bit. I'll meet him at the closest airport and drop him at the closest airport or he says he'll buy an old car and drive home. He wants to see LA as well so maybe that's where the meet up point can be? We'll see.

The only thing I am not that excited about is leaving the birds behind. I have exhausted all options that include bringing them. I tried to figure out how to construct a cage across the top of my Jeep but then what happens when I put the top down? I thought about finding a larger trailer but that doesn't seem very fair either... I don't think birds are made to travel are they? I have to keep racking my brain on this one. The only other option would be to either re*gulp*home them or find someone that would like to care for them while I am gone. It will work out, but it's still something to figure out...

I really think the boys are going to like travelling. When I drove to FL with Jim, he loved it. Especially when it got warmer. Loved it. We would stop and play chase the stick or look for things in the woods when he showed signs of getting stir crazy. It will be nice to have the company and the breaks will be welcome. I am going to update their tags though. I think they might end up having my number, my mom's number (that way if anything happens to be, she'll know immediately and then have two large dogs to figure out) and my email addresses. That way there is no chance they can be lost and not found. I have to change their microchip information. Geez, I have to figure out how to go about doing that with Charles. Blech. Whatever...

So yeah, that's why I have been training. Self defense and all that. I might also take some shooting classes with my brother and get my gun license thinger. Why not? It's all about being prepared right? Besides, that will be one more thing under my belt. Again, pun not intended.

So there you have it. I will be taking pictures and blogging along the way. June cannot come fast enough. I'm excited!!! I'm so excited that I just peed a little in my pants.

ouch

Since I have a little time left to actually be on time for dinner tonight after getting a gift, I thought I would fuck off a bit and blog. The first thing I want to mention is that I have been practicing dancing like the girls on my countdown. Their dance is so perfectly sexy that I want to master it. It should be easy to do this since I have them 24/7 on my blog showing me how to bring sexy back. The other thing I thought I would do is post my bruised knees. I can't stop looking at them and you shouldn't either. I don't know what it is with me and pictures lately but they don't look as bad as they are in reality (as much as I don't like to admit this, online is simply not reality. Let it sink in slowly...). This was also two days of healing so I kind of blew it to begin with by waiting. I really wanted the full shocking gasp worthy affect and it's just not there. Oh well. I am almost positive I will be wounding myself further (with help from others, nothing to worry about mind you) I will be sure to get a picture when it's nice and fresh next time for your viewing pleasure... If I start getting hit in the face full out at any point I will bring my camera with me so if there is any blood I can get it right away. :) I'm really getting into this fighting thing and it bummed me out big time when I had to stop to let things heal up damn it.



In this one you can totally see my scottie pajamas. So red, so comfy... I got them as a set for like $10 at Target because they were on sale (I have no idea why) and they came with the scottie shirt and polka dot shorts. I have never regretted this buy.


Ooo! Ooo! So exciting!! I am walking normally again! MY CALF IS HEALED! HORRAY!!! So I will be going back to training on Monday. I am beside myself with glee...

The countdown has officially begun!

This is the funniest countdown I have yet to lay eyes on so I am using it to countdown my hair cut. That way if anyone gets all anxious, they can be reminded of exactly how much time needs to go by before I change my look, and have fun doing it!

Create Your Own Countdown

Thought of the day that I can't get out of my head...

I drive about all day going from house to house. A lot of times I see groups of small children (3 years old? 4 years old?) walking on the sidewalks next to busy streets with what I am assuming are the daycare staff that cares for them while their parents are working or taking a break or whatever it is that parents do that deem their small children go to daycare. They walk holding a rope that has handles in it that keeps them next to one another buddy system single file. Where are these children going? What is the need to cross all these streets? Are they actually tied to the handles "just in case"? I think they should be considering how unpredictable children can be. Is not one parent concerned with the fact that their child is brought across main roads with lots of traffic? Do they even know about this? I'm not exactly what you would call full of knowledge when regarding children but I do know small children and traffic don't usually mix well. The whole thing seems kind of obsurd if you ask me. Also, if I were going to pay for daycare for my child, I think I would send them to one that had everything needed available in the same location I dropped them every morning. Just saying...

Here's a nice disturbing video I found about children... I tried to find one of children running into traffic to no avail. I'm going to start picturing that little child beside me from now on whenever I am doing something I shouldn't be. At the very least it will help me do it faster so I can get the poor thing out of there.


And here's this one as well. It's just as disturbing but in a nice way. I don't know why it was listed with the other one but it was. Faith is Jim & Charlie's doggy hero and has been since we found out about her...

I'm not a pussy!!

Okay, not totally. This whole muay thai thing is all ready beating me up man! My wrist is acting up so I have learned how to wrap my hands/wrists. Lucky for me everyone does it differently so I have now forgotten how to do it two different ways. I have bruises on my shins, a big raised bruise on one knee, some smaller not so raised one on the other, and I ripped the shit out of my calf muscle so much so that I can barely walk on it in the morning and I gimp around until late afternoon. If I had an office job it would be a little better but as it is I am out walking dogs all around town looking like a cripple. There's a strange satisfaction in it though. You know, nothing gets me down type shit. I might be talking out my ass though. I was watching people train this evening and realizing they actually enjoy the excrutiating pain this gym has to offer. In fact, they want as much as they can get. I have come to the conclusion that we're like salsa. They are the hot salsa and I am the mild (working my way to medium). I only want mild discomfort right now. I'm like this in regards to the rest of my life as well (though you would never guess it watching me make my masochistic life decisions with a smile on my face). Once I get used to kicking the shit out of myself (or having others do it) I'll be far more open to the idea in entirety. Until then I am going to continue to tell them I don't want major pain. They think I am a smart mouth but I just think I am smart. Okay, clearly I am super out of shape. Clearly. I haven't worked out in years. Lots of them. I expected myself to be a little slow on the uptake. I didn't really anticipate my body being so soft and easily bruised. Although I am a delicate flower and we all know what happens when you stomp on delicate flowers don't we? No? Go stomp on one, you'll see. It's not pretty. Maybe now you get the picture. I bet if little delicate flowers trained more often they could whip us around by our feet when we tried something funny. Anyway, just because I am a delicate flower doesn't mean I am a pussy and I remind the instructors of that every time I show weakness. The weakness will go away in time and be replaced with whatever it needs to be replaced with. I'm no expert on this beat each other up shit. I am almost an expert on getting beat up though considering how often my massive never able to shut itself mouth got me pounded on when I was younger. I am happy to announce that while sparring I have not hit the mat and rolled into the fetal position once. Guts at their finest let me tell you.

I finally have a complete plan. Since I have three full months to train and I want to be good at it once I hit the road, and since I am getting my hair chopped on the 30th and since I want to be an early riser once gone, I have come up with an awesome plan. I am going to stick with the muay thai during the evenings until the 30th. Once my hair is cut and needs styling first thing, I will start the 6 a.m. muay thai classes. Then once I am out of work I will go to the 7:30 p.m. grappling classes. I am going to try to do this four to five days a week. If it proves to be a little much I'll go every other day for each or something. Whatever, it's not going to prove anything except that I am an animal!! I might be drastically out of shape but I am a sexy mama to be. I can't wait.

So, the happy family is... happy. I don't know that for a fact but they seem like they are well. The piebald is getting a little bitchy here and there and I go back and forth between wanting to remove him and thinking it's nice that everyone has something to do. The spice finches have been teaching Bob how to preen and so far they are proving to be excellent teachers. I guess it really does take an entire village to raise a child.

The boys are always awesome. We went into the woods today and now that we have spoken to the animal control officer I am a little wary. I guess there are coyotes in there (a biker actually told us he saw one a while back) and it's breeding season so they get all testy and defend their territory or whatever. Little dogs are a meal and big dogs are a threat. I'm probably something they laugh about while cracking the bones of their last kill with their jaw muscles and teeth that are built to rip and tear flesh and muscle. Woah, coyotes and muay thai have something in common. Seriously, mother nature has it out for me and that's why I don't appreciate her sometimes... Anyway, while out there I have my eyes and ears straining to hear anything suspisious. I am totally fucking paranoid and dellusional at this point and I hear things everywhere. If the dogs look in any direction for longer than half a second I am primed and ready to be attacked by a pack of vicious rabid wild dogs that are in the mood for making babies. Of course I have the boys with me and of course I am giving them way to much credit at this point. And of course I carry my pocket knife "just in case" while constantly scanning the ground for anything that can be used as a weapon. Sticks and stones will break their bones is my theory. If anything should befall us, I am ready. I keep having the vision of being totally ready and prepared, back to back with one of the boys (obviously the other one is protecting the small dogs) and then I leap for the attacker and go for the throat with nothing but my bravery and pocket knife...

I totally forgot!! How dare me!

The owner of two dogs that I walk every morning (and one comes to the woods every Tuesday and Thursdays as well) gave me a gift this morning "for being so wonderful". I couldn't have agreed more. It is a very neat little gadget called a rainbow maker and it's solar powered. Being wonderful has totally paid off once again!!! This is what it looks like and I can't wait to attach it to the windshield of my truck right before blasting out of town. Hopefully the little sun/rainbow glints won't blind or distract me to much. I'm going to have a rainbow filled truck! YAY!

I have hung it on the living room window for now. The one that shines in on the birds. Not only will this little thing help with my chi flow but it will also give the birds something new to look at... Functional and pretty!

It's not fun to learn any more :(

I just walked in from seeing the Omni Theaters take on the whole hurricane Katrina catastrophe. It was a total let down. I feel like I just got out of a super cool film for ages eight through twelve. You know ever since they changed their moto to "IT'S ALIVE!" things have gone swiftly downhill. Remember when it used to be The Museum of Science, "Where it's Fun to Learn"? Like how do you make an ocean wave wave learn? Well, now it's just alive and no one over the age of twelve actually learns anything. The part that is most disturbing is the live animal display next to the bathrooms. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for little animals. But you'd think The Museum of Science could do better than tanks with cardboard boxes and dirty swimming water as homes for these little ones. I have tried to picture having fun in a fish tank, I truly have, and it's not that fun. I mean, there can't be any air circulation in those things. And running around in the same rectangle day after day with the same things every day and the same friends every day and nothing new to look at every day... Well, except for the people that are so obviously free and happy outside of your tank, but that adds further aggravation and that type of taunting doesn't give you any sense of release. It probably makes the situation more stifling if you ask me. Anyway, they should totally budget better homes in next year. You know, now that I am thinking about it, that's not true... The most disturbing part is how the womens bathroom always smells like old pee. I mean, seriously, there is a frigging drain in the middle of the floor people! How hard can it possibly be to keep a room with a drain in the floor smelling fresh. You could literally hose that place down with disinfectant. I'm just saying. I might just say to them in an email. And if they can't budget it in because sales have gone down, well, who's fault is that? Probably all the "scientists" that cater to twelve year old brains. I did like the irony of going and seeing Body Worlds 2 at a place who's moto is, IT'S ALIVE!. It's the little things...

I emptied my phone of all it's pictures by loading them all onto my lap top. I had forgotten how many were on there... In order...

After it snowed I took the dogs out to the woods. Good times. Here's the HUGE STICK charlie found and brought with him for a bit. Jimmy had a go with it as well making it totally worth finding. Please note the coat you see on James is his reversible Burberry coat. Sharp. On very cold days, I like to double layer it with his black fleece so the gap by his chest and lower body doesn't get him down with the cold sneaking in.




And a shot of the woods by the edge of the field as we were leaving. I like the whole light/dark/light aspect of it.


Of course we went back but this is from the other day and now the paths are just long sheets of ice. What normally takes me twenty minutes took me about and hour and a half. It was treacherous but I have dogs that need ample exercise or they act like total jackasses... Here are some shots of the icy paths.




I also found this oh so natural and oh so tiny frozen waterfall...





This next picture is burly. You've been warned.


This is the grossest thing I have come across in quite some time so out came the phone and snap went the shutter. At least I'm sharing!! I see this as progress.


Here's looking at you kid!!


He should have had his hair done for his photo shoot. Speaking of which, the hair which adorns my perfectly skull shaped head will be sheared March 30th! I'm pumped. Now, I don't usually post pictures of myself on here but this could call for a before and after shot. Get ready. I know I am.