Liar liar pants on fire...

Let's have a little talk about total bullshit, shall we? It goes something like this: Follow the link up to your right that says "Keep up!". That's where you'll find the new blog that I am going to post on. I might post on this one on occasion just to shake shit up (and use words like shit as I wouldn't want to get out of practice) but for the most part I'll be blogging about my where abouts. All I know is that was a huge load off my chest...

C U Next Tuesday!!

Today was pretty fantastic. It consisted of waking up to freedom and then heading over to my aunts house for a party in my honor. I will no longer be present at parties that are not in my honor. Maybe that's a little severe. I'll just have to convince myself they are all in my honor. Problems become so minute when solved with delusion. Ahh... Anyway, the party was so much fun and in the process I realized just how much I am going to miss my family. They have always played a massive part in my life and parting is such sweet sorrow. Not sorrowful enough to stay though eh? Never mind the fact that any time they want to come visit me, they'll have to find me somehow and I'll have changed my number by then... just kidding, they can visit any time they'd like to.

Yesterday's ride around Boston helped me fully feel the raging hatred that has built inside me all these years. I am way to enthusiastic and delighted for this area. And to think I almost fell for it. Almost! Oh well. Tuesday is looming and as much as I am extremely nervous, the excitement and anticipation is winning no contest. I am so high strung and exciteable that I don't think the nervous ever had a chance to be honest.

I am totally going to keep this blog up. I like making things difficult for myself not to mention the other travel blog will be PG as people like my grandmother will be reading it. I do have some respect for people in this corroded heart of mine.

Binging and purging

At this point I have eaten an excessive amount of ice cream so I am feeling way better than yesterday when I hadn't eaten any at all. Okay, maybe one little brownie Häagen-Dazs bar. But it was early in the day and the trauma ensued later in the evening making that happy little ice cream treat all of nonexistant.

I thought I did an incredible job picking and choosing my things until I had a happy little pile of material goods of which to bring with me on my trip. However. I am inclined to give my trucks FAR to much credit and this time was no different. Also, and I know I have said it before this, I am putting everything I own into one vehicle. This is not as easy as it sounds (am I the only one that thinks this sounds easy?). Especially if you are prone to giving said vehicle way to much credit. It's painful when you have convinced yourself someone else did it in their Saturn. Twice. Ha! Needless to say, I was sure to do this the last night I could stay at my apartment so I had very very little time and very very little stability by the end of it all. In fact, there were moments I was simply feverishly throwing things out without even considering that I might in fact use them again. Like jackets and coats. Good bye. I *sigh* gave my books to Yolanda down at Diskovery. I like Yolanda and I like her used book store. Shit, I bet 3/4 of those books were aquired at that very store. It seemed the right thing to do. Good bye books. I know you'll make someone else as happy as you made me. I then proceeded to cram the truck full of all the things I had pictured fitting in nicely. By the end, I couldn't see out of the rearview and Charlie was in the back riding on his dog bed which was precariously balanced on top of all the things that *should* have fit like a glove. He was essentially riding next to the roof. It was risky but worth it. Jim rode shot gun with the fish and other random articles piled about him. Let's just say he was doing better than the Charles, but Charlie is a good sport and always happy to go for a ride. If my brain was in working order, I clearly would have snapped a picture of this fucking mess. But I was in full fledged freak out until you snap mode and pictures were not the things snapping. I went to say good bye to a friend and then headed out for my first stop which is my mom's. We got to my mom's at about 11:00 where I stuffed the face with green vegetation and white beans and then promptly fell flat on my face on the floor wrapped up in dogs, their bedding, a pillow and a blanket. I am going to be here until the going away party on Sunday and until my traitorous transmission gasket is fixed on Monday. It's leaking. I don't want anything leaky so it seems smart to stay. The awesome thing is that this truck is still under warranty. Go Dodge?

The second purging started this morning after having breakfast with my grandparents. The food and visit not only lifted my spirits but it gave me the energy to keep going in the face of adversity. And the unpacking to pack. It would appear I needed a large front yard and no time limit to effectively pack my truck up. I spread my things all over my mothers front lawn (again, no pictures?? WTF is my problem??) and tried again. More things are going into the attic for safe keeping and the rest has been repacked and cut down to a far more manageable amount. *sniff* smell that? *sniff* That's what success smells like bitches. I might even be able to see out of the rearview. Niceness!! The only thing I have left to get for this trip is a weighted jump rope. I really miss jumping rope. And I was getting so good at it!! So I want the weighted one that will work my arms as well as my legs. I am going to have to jump outside everyday if I can't find the room inside but I can handle this. The super cool part is that I jump rope better with my eyes closed. I'm so not kidding.

Oh right! Since I am not okay with some people reading this blog... I don't think the name goes with travel and all that. I have made a blog for the documentation of my travels. You can find it here. As of right now it is barren and there is nothing to see. That will change. Promise. My camera will become a solid fixture that never leaves my side. You will see everything I think is important enough to record and hear about every mentionable adventure... As of right now, everything is touch and go considering I am stealing my neighbors online service. Not that this has stopped me or ever will.

Beggars can be choosers...

I have all this stuff that I am getting rid of. Tons of clothes, blankets and sheets, a desk, a bookshelf. All in good working order. I thought there would be someone that would like to get these things and give them to someone less fortunate. I guess there is some kind of limit to what they will take. As in they won't come and get three massive bags of clothing, it has to be ten or more. Who in the fuck has ten trash bags of clothing? Seriously! The desk doesn't matter and won't be accepted. I guess poor people don't utilize things like desks. Oh, the games and toys? Yeah, they're never taken. Poor children are not allowed to have fun. It's not often I think about man kind, I have to be honest. It's just about never. Now that I *am* attempting to think about them it's not going anywhere! And that my friends, simply further reinforces that not only should I not help but if I so much as even try, it will be a total pain in the ass. Whatever, I was just hoping I wouldn't have to pack it all up myself. I'll probably just run it on down to Goodwill myself. Bastards. This is the exact thing I was looking to avoid. Oooo... I'm so taking the toys and games to The Little Wanderers! They always take toys and such. They rule. I feel better. These toys are not even opened yet! I don't want to get into the whole I have unopened toys part of this story. Let's just put it this way. They are not comic book figures and I have an aunt that refuses to believe I no longer play with Barbies. All of a sudden the comic figures sound good, don't they?

Well, I'm over it. Back to packing and throwing out.

Wasting time when time is running out

Clearly I should be packing. Clearly I'm not. The good news is that a lot was accomplished today. First I went to my mom's and put everything into the attic that needs to wait until I come back for it. I packed it all into my truck last night and it was not an easy feat. It was not a huge amount of things but some of the items were heavy. Since I am as antisocial as they come I have been doing everything myself. The drawback is the super heavy items. The awesome part is that I got guns baby! I am apparently have super human retard strength because everything is put away nicely and I did it all myself without ripping my arms off my body. There is a true sense of satisfaction here. The only part of the visit that was disturbing was when my mother looked at me and told me it's nice that I am starting to dress in a feminine way. I'm wearing a head band that matches my tank top. Sure, they are both a nice light cantalope color and sure, I don't usually wear things like headbands, but still. I guess I took the not feminine homeless look a little to far.

After getting back from my mom's I made all those piles just trash piles. I also packed all my clothing into suitcases. One of them is red. Since I am going to be doing nothing but dirty disgusting work until Thursday, I am simply going to wear the same outfit until then. I mean, who am I impressing here? All my nonexistent friends and visitors? I might keep rocking the headband considering it's keeping my hair out of my eyes. Hmm. I might also just throw on a bandana and go back to the homeless look I have so obviously perfected.

So all I have left is convincing someone, anyone, to come and get the massive pile of unwanted but totally useable stuff against the wall and throwing out the rest. It should be interesting. I wicked want to throw everything out my window. It would land right next to the trash barrels and make going down the stairs way easier. It would also mean going up and down the stairs only had to be accomplished once. That's efficient if I do say so myself.

Oh yeah, the dogs are also all set. They received all their shots and I have any and all paperwork that could possibly be needed. The visit to the vet was sad as I really like their doctor and don't like the idea of going to anyone else. Maybe I'll just bring the boys here once a year for their annual check up? He is sad to see me go and was sure to remind me to be careful and "remember that world is full of sick fucks". He cares, how nice. I promised him I would be the definition of careful.

Tomorrow I am going to start the day by hanging out on the back porch drinking coffee and then I am going to commence lugging the trash downstairs (or throwing it out the window, after all, everyone will be at work now won't they?). All of this trash will assuredly fill every single barrel to the tippity top. My neighbors will probably be thrilled. I should have had it done the other night but whatever. They can hate me, I'm leaving. Then I am going to go and get a tarp to put over my things for the Salvy as this must happen for them to pick it up. I told them I would make this happen provided they promise to take the tarp as well. This pick up will be scheduled for Tuesday and I'll be out of here by then so it has to happen. I guess this is a strange request that is very hard to deal with since most people make them promise to *not* take the tarp. I am also going to Staples to get myself something I can carry my files in. I don't have a ton of files but I don't want to just whip them on top of my suitcases or anything. Oh good good news!! I figured out a way to easily bring every single pair of shoes with me! Success! I also figured out a way to bring most of my tools and the little things I wanted to bring but wasn't sure I had anything to pack them into. Go me! All I have to do now is figure out how to bring the things I normally hang in the closet. I am leaning towards just squishing them into yet another suitcase and dealing with the wrinkles when it's time. This is possibly a lousy plan but I guess I'll find out what ideas suck as I go along eh? I'm bringing as little as possible but it still seems like quite a large amount. I am reminding myself that I am taking all my worldy possessions and this comforts me since the words "worldy possessions" comes across in my mind as way more shit than I own. Good stuff.

The piles are getting bigger but the blog is staying the same...

Every time I move I am astounded by how much shit I have accumulated! This time is no different but this time there is a slight twist. This time I have to figure out what I want right now and either keep it or throw it out. I was under the assumption this would be cake. Apparently, there is no cake involved. Normally I am a huge fan of cake so this is disappointing. I have so much SHIT. I have devised a system that is helping me root through said shit and make it as easy as possible to get rid of the things that just don't matter. It goes like this: Remove everything from cabinets and closets and pile it on the floor. In fact, now that I have no furniture, this is the easiest part. It resembles a crack house with piles of things on the floor. If it were winter I would so have the oven on to heat the place. Anyway, the piles get smaller and things that are soft and need new owners go into bags and these bags are placed along the wall near the front door. Anything hard is either thrown out (you should see my trash HEAP out front) or if it's salvageable, it is also put along the wall. The wall is getting smaller by the minute. It used to be so big it fit a couch. I am going to call the Salvation Army tomorrow and schedule a pick up for all these things along the wall. My bed is going to be one of those things soon so I am hoping they can pick up on the 31st. That would seriously work for me and my schedule. The only pile that has me stumped is my pile of books. The oh so sacred ones are all ready packed up and going where they need to go. The others are sitting and as much as it pains me to say so, I might send them along to the Salvy... I keep reminding myself that I can get new books. These books have spent a long time in my company however. We're like old friends, you know? Parting is such sweet sorrow. They have kept me company at night when I was lonely or simply couldn't sleep. They have made long trips with me. Hell, they used to get me through the daily commute for a while there. I have taken them for long walks in the woods and we have gone on train rides all throughout the city. I have even introduced them to my friends! They never mind waiting in the car. They never ask me where I have been or when I am going to be back. There is no pressure to spend time with them, but when I do, it's usually worth every second and I always want to go back for more. As much as I love them to little papery bits, they are very heavy. I despise the idea of lugging them about even though I know they would probably enjoy one more car ride. It's not like it's their fault they are so cumbersome, I know this! In the end however, they will just be sitting in an attic patiently waiting for me to come and get them so they can once again be stored on a bookshelf. I have read every last one. Geesh, I have read some of them over and over. What to do, what to do...

Charlie is FREAKING OUT about this whole process. He doesn't like the fact that I continue to remove things from the house and shows his displeasure by being completely underfoot provided I am carrying something heavy. Then when I snap at him he's certain to make a scene by tucking tail and running from me as fast as he can. He has also taken it upon himself to tediously strip the grape vine on the back porch into little tiny pieces using his front teeth. I normally frown upon this type of behavior, but he's doing such a marvelous job I can't punish him. I also think it might be taking his mind off the fact that everything in the house is disappearing. Jim is a rock. He's done this so many times the only thing freaking him out is the fact that we cut the soft couch into tiny pieces and threw it out the window. He loved sleeping on that couch. I loved sleeping on that couch. That couch was fucking awesome. It was also a slamming deal when I bought it. Good bye couch.

I'm also freaking out a little. I have never done this before. I guess in most cases throwing all your things out and cutting off all your hair is a bad sign. This time it is a good sign but I am still a little shaken over the whole thing. But I remind myself that change is awesome and that makes it something I should embrace (fitting into the awesome catagory myself it only seems right, doesn't it?). Also, purging is a good thing when it doesn't involve weight loss and doctors. So I am going to continue throwing shit out and smiling while I do it. Sure, there are going to be the moments where I get super nervous but I'm basically like that every single day, so why should this be any different? Par for the course if you ask me.

It's almost time...

And here it is! The picture we have all been waiting for! Side note: I don't know why she chose this shot as it makes his neck look super long. I just don't think it's very becoming. Hmm. However, this same picture will grace her catalog and I will be receiving a copy so you won't hear me complaining. He has another shoot coming up and we are just going to hope and pray that this woman has better taste as the last... well... didn't. Does any of this even matter?!?! Jimmy is the super model I have always known him to be!



Since I am soon going to end my present dog walking career I choose this time to unload about the ONLY part of the job that irks the shit out of me. This is it. It's the people I come across on my lovely canine filled walks that create little grey clouds. It's usually due to the things they have to say. Now don't get me wrong, I regularly see people that say the nicest of things. There is one elderly man that I see *everywhere* and I have even taken to waving when he drives by me and the pack. His questions are usually along the lines of, how's the crew today? Or who's the new one?? He's upbeat, observant and appears sincere. I also can't help but wonder how he has so many things to do throughout the day... I like him, he keeps it moving and never asks things about the weather or other such draining questions. I am so fucking sick of questions about the weather. We're both standing here, we both know what the weather is like. If for some reason you don't, please leave me alone as you are the type of person I don't enjoy talking to regularly due to the lack of abundance that should fill my brain when having conversation. Seriously!!! Anyway, here they are... the most annoying questions when walking dogs.

The number one question is and will always be: "Are those ALL yours?!" It is always asked in wonder with a sprinkling of horror on top. I used to answer, no, I'm a dog walker. Now I smile like a maniac and brightly reply with a huge enthusiastic "YES!" Because I so obviously own up to six dogs in the city. Enough.

Then there's the opposite which is: "Are you a dog walker?!" Again, I used to say yes. Now I reply with (again with the psychotic smile and over enthusiastic voice), "Nope! All six are mine!!" Unless of course it's clear these people are searching for something and then they are usually looking for a dog walker. Believe me, the difference in approaches are clear as day. One has a searching and get the job done look, the other is vacant and stunned.

Moving on to: "Wow, do they always get along like that?" Sometimes I can tell the people really are confused about it and those are the ones I have the most fun with. I usually tighten my hands around the leashes, give them a face that portrays a little fear and a slew of uncertainty while saying something like "So far, so good today." I find that whispering this to them like it's a secret that must not be released or all hell will break loose helps them hurry away. Other people are plainly saying it to either seem like they know what they are talking about (I don't get these people at all) or to get a rise out of others. They get the response of, "Well, if not, there is always a very capable vet not a stones throw from here isn't there?" Then I usually start looking around for the vet office.

My all time favorite because I hear it about seven billion times per day is: "You sure have your hands full huh?" This one is a tough one since I am full of very sarcastic biting replies and it's the question that makes me the most mental considering the frequency it is thrown at me. Believe me, there are the days I simply duck my head and bark a quick "Yup!" because the end of the rope is so near. Other times I tell them I am going to pick up fifteen more for the dog parade that is being held later so they should stick around for the fun. The come backs to this one are unlimited.

There is also the one that I don't hear as much as the others and it's either "Wow, how do you do that?" with shock and confusion and of course the only answer I like is, "Magic!!". Or there is another rendition where they stop and say, "My goodness! They're all so good! Are they always that good?" and I tell these people it is *I* who is behaving so well as they are the ones walking me, or any other nonsense reply I can think of.

If I am reminded of any others, I'll be sure to let you know. All I know is that people are evidently still here for my amusement. And it doesn't cost a thing. That's a deal I cannot refuse.

I cut off all my hair today!! Okay, fine, my hairdresser cut it all off, but it was ALL my idea. It's so short. As in no hair on my neck short. I have never had a cold neck because of not having enough hair before. I am enjoying shaking my head back and forth (like I am saying no with conviction) because it feels funny. Shaking your head wildly back and forth while walking is not recommended.

PS I totally scored a new red suitcase.