Taking strangers to the woods... power lines... the likes.

Yesterday was family day. Every Sunday is. I like it that way. I usually run the dog at *cough cough ahem* (it's a secret. I don't want other dog owners finding out about it and ruining it for me) but since L is still under the weather I took her straight to the house and then went off with the dogs from there. The places we frequent were stuffed full of people and their ::gulp:: children so I came up with the idea of the power lines. Good thinking, per usual. We started out on the trails in the woods (not so good thinking with the uneven terrain and ice build up) which was thrilling but dangerous (especially for the Ted because I almost fell on him). I came back along the powerlines. It was electric and full of excitement. The boys had a blast and I got some decent pictures...

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This morning was a gamble that turned into an acceptable adventure as well. After reading a decent CL rant from some guy that couldn't figure out why chicks aren't attracted to him I decided to help him figure out why. We emailed and IMed and since he didn't seem creepy and I had today off I invited him to the woods with me and the dogs. I scooped him up at 9:30 this morning and we headed off to *cough cough* so the dogs could run free and I could analyze the situation. It was FREEZING as it's right next to the ocean (and the middle of February). E brought his camera (he takes a fantastic picture!!) but it was a no go considering the whole fingers numb with frost bite thing. Next time. Anyway, I told him my observations and I guess I am going to be hearing his observations of me once he can put them to words. I'm guessing he's so overwhelmed with the overall experience that he's having a hard time thinking. I have that effect on people. I think today was a smash hit due to the fact that I am still alive AND have another adoring fan. :)

EXCITING UPDATE!!
I have been given permission to post the rant I responded to on CL! YAY!! A huge nice smelling thanks to E for having rage issues he releases comfortably online (and also for not being a total pussy by allowing me to post this on my blog) as you all now have the missing piece of the puzzle. Since rage about relationships and society is always something I will support, it does me good to see it here. A beautiful addition to an equally as beautiful blog. ::sigh:: Also, before you read the rant, I just want you to know I will be hanging out with E again as he's not what you'd think after reading this hate filled post. :) Enjoy. I know I did.

Ladies: I can not figure out what is wrong with me

Reply to: pers-280435807@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-17, 9:15PM EST


I'm completely at the end of my rope so i'm just going to lay it all out here and be completely and anonymously honest.

I'm 26 and I've never had a real girlfriend or a long term relationship. Sure, I've dated. I periodically end up going out with some girl i meet somewhere, typically once a year, for about two weeks. The longest relationship I ever had was 6 months in highschool. I've gotten to the point where I'm honestly loosing my mind. I can not, for the life of me, figure out what it is that makes me so unattractive. And to be completely honest, I just can't imagine living the rest of my life like this.

Obviously I'm lonely, both physically and emotionally. But it's a lot deeper than that. I think back on the last few years and all the time i've spent alone and I wonder if people are really supposed to live like that. I feel like my life has been completely wasted.

And WHY? I can't figure out WHY! There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fucking smart, motivated, and for god's sake I'm funny. And no, I'm not taking about the kind of 'funny' that you think your boyfriend is. I'm talking about the kind of funny that is forged from a lifetime of desperation and heartache. Your boyfriend is not funny; He's always had a girlfriend and he somehow, fundamentally, relates to society. (and no i don't give a shit about correct punctuation so stop asking)

But you women are just not interested. It's like you're all only interested in Joe Fuckface with his bullshit faux sincerity and boring corporate job OR Mr quiet angry artist who's only moderately talented but over compensates by being quasi anti-establishment and psudo emotionally detached. And quite frankly I'm fucking sick of it.

So I find myself wedged into some kind of attractiveness limbo, like those motherfuckers at the end of superman 2. I don't fit some kind of 'type' I guess, and so what am i supposed to do? Where am i supposed to go?

I do, I blame myself. I've tried to come to grips with my situation in my mind by rationalizing that there is a such thing as fate or destiny. I've rationalized that the only way to explain this is to understand that some people are meant to love other people during their life, they're just meant to. And other people like myself have been born into a life without it. I can only believe that there is a force greater than myself which has destined me to live this life alone for as long as I can bare it.

I say this because without meaningful relationships, without someone who I can be with physically or emotionally, the rest of the word seems stale. You can live off of crackers, but would that really be living?

Most of you spoiled, self-centered bitches out there who may or may not read this probably don't get it. Well, here's a little thought experiment for you. Remove every relationship you've ever had from your life. Every boyfriend, every crush, all the good feelings and self confidence you've gotten from the people you've shared your life with... remove it. Picture your life without ever knowing what it's like to have somebody love you back. Got it? Can you picture that? Of course you can't. You will never know what that's like. You know why? Because you've never had to work for it. It's been given to you. Like that fucking trust fund kid who doesn't have to work, you're soft and spoon fed and you truly, truly have no appreciation for what it means to really connect with another person. To you, it's easy. easy.

Yea, I'm angry about it. I go out and I see regular people who don't seem to have any problem getting a date or finding a girlfriend. I keep asking myself how do they do it? Where do they meet these people? Just on the street? I don't fucking get it. I just don't fucking get it. I don't get how it's so easy for you to find another person. I'm attracted to lots of people, but I can't ever, ever find the one who's attracted back. I'm completely, absolutely at a loss. I have nothing left. zero. I'm just totally on empty. and i don't get it.